Break-ups

I never knew this break-up would be this bad!I guess he hella caught me off guard! I mean we just talked about this last night and all of a sudden this happened! I wasn't prepared at all!! He was suppose to be my first year together type of guy but I guess I was too much of a "distraction".. I cried so hard fo so many hours! I listened to OUR song like fifteen bagillion times including other songs we both loved! Who wuldve thought it would hurt this much and more! We were on that forever hype but I guess not :/ man this was the IT guy!!! I have never cried so hard about a guy in my life because I never thought they were even worth it! But this one was. I didn't see it coming this soon but I knew it was going to happen.not this soon. I mean I totally understand the whole mission concept, but it felt like he dropped the gernade on me! I mean dang.. everything reminds me of him! My family knew about him! Everyone loved him! I mean Mann...I didn't think a guy was capable of doing this to me! It's not the same! Heavenly father doesnt simply do things to us it always has a story behind it! I'm still trying to find my ending..I know this will make me into a strong young women it's just the matter of time getting over it .. It would be hard and it is going to challenge me! but I have my twins to help me out every step of the way!

I know a mission is super important but letting Someone go is something else! I swear I didn't think it was going to hurt this bad! (sigh) life goes on... Idk what to do..I guess I'll let life take it's course..

JA program

November 17,2010 I has selected to be apart of the JA program. I had the opputunity to go to HP. We had to write an essay about a type of technology that would make school run more effiecitnly and things of those nature. I didnt care much of the program cos yeah..well they were selecting 60 student who enter the contest out of ALL achools in the bay area and I was ONE of em'=D it was one of em one in the life time oppurtunity! well i was siked and cried (dnt judge me) wen i found out i got SELECTED! =) i wrote about the iphone four i like hella Bs'd it haha! well yeah it was a really cool experience. I got to meet kids from different high school. it was just an awesome experience! it was light weight to long. it was from 7:30 to 7 at night! it was just too long and too many talks-_-. BUT the food was GOOD mmmm yumm ;).well yeah im juss summarizing wat happen im light weight tiredd -_-

I pinky PROMISE..

I PROMISE to be there NO matter what happens. i PROMISE that i wouldn't leave you with NO reason. i PROMISE i would love you the same. i PROMISE to see you the same way as i always had. i PROMISE to be as loyal && support you NO MATTER! i PROMISE to be that shoulder you cry on. i PROMISE to be that hand you hold everywhere you go. i PROMISE to be there when you fall. i PROMISE to be to the FIRST&&LAST person you talk to everyday/everynight. i PINKY promise my heart to you.

As though they may say promises are meant to be be broken,but the only thing with these promises is that there SOLID as everr && they would remain that way! <3

ULTIMATE GOAL!

Making ↑ thiss my ULTIMATE GOAL is suppppperrrr important&&dear to my heart! NO ONE can change the way i think or feel about this! TEMPLE!! i don't need to emphasize this! its self-explanatory! MARRIED&&SEALED for ALL time&&ETERNITY! i hold the gospel dear to me. I have many FLAWS and try so hard to perfect them. My Heavenly Kingdom awaits me ;). A dream i want to become REALITY. Marrying a worthy return missionary is the BEST* part besides the temple=) Getting to see them in the after life.KNOWING that there's an after life is even a blessing. well in my eyes they are. If i wasn't for the plan of salvation or the GOSPEL i would've been one lost SOUL! I know it's going to be hard reaching this goal, but every opsticle my heavenly father puts me thru IS going yo be worth it! Our Father in Heaven doesn't make us suffer for a purpose. It's suppose to make us stronger! There's always a blessing if you follow him. Free agency, use it WISELY.

Homecoming DATE

okk so HC camee along and i was SIKED,NERVOUS,&&COULDNT believe i was going! cos you noe my brotherss -_-..well anyhoot OCTOBER 30th, 2010 was thee awesome day! so my bf (paul) asked me to go to his homecoming. My slowself asks him who his gna take..&& he was like YOU! hahah i didnt noe.. He was like your my GF you automatically going! haha i didnt noe all THAT! watver ima newbee ;) but yes MILLS homecoming it was! lets just say things are better off being unSAID;) hehe. EVEN thoe tha palangi's/asian's JUMPED to almost EVERY SINGLE SONG it was AWESOME! i mean how much fun is it to make of fun of ppl of how they dance and than dance like EM'! well if you dnt noe it was SUPER FUN!hahah its a "you had to be there" moment..yess onee ah those;D. It was first date to a dance ( i noe corny DNT JUDGE ME=])..I D K i hadd funn! it was sucha close bond i hadd with thee BF =)i would do that night over and over again&&NEVER get bored! i give myself props ferr even trying to go and having to ask my brother to go with a BOY first off!!! oh gosh how nerve wrecking that was! -_- .. it was WORTH IT!

Listen to fiakiks Playlist

MY hotboy-Paul Haupeahiki Laupua Tonga

As I think the world is against me&&my life has no meaning. ASIDE from my twinss&family he's been my ROCK i can count on to comfort me when i hve NO ONE to lean on.Just the thought of his name makes my smile =). There's no way in WORDS i can express my love for him. I might be stubborn at times (ok well all the time GOSH) he's BEEN THERE. He makes me LAUGH :D like there's no tmrrw. It's a feeling that I get when ONLY I tlk or see him. No one out there can REPLACE him or the way he makes me feel. Even though he can be a BUTT most of the time (HA) i still love him REGUARDLESS* with every OUNCE in my body. I know it may seem like a BIG word to say, but i DO NOT take it back for saying it to him! It's the only thing I feel when i'm around him, LOVED;). I guess he's just my ROMANTIC side =). To the vocals and the dance moves he got it ALL!!!(dnt judge him hahah thass my JOB) I wouidn't trade him for the world. He keeps me breathing, my HEART pumpimg and my blood flowing. It's unexplainable to express my feelings for him. He's not just my OTHER-HALF,but the love of my LIFE!I can honestly say that I'm HAPPILY TAKEN-' est.082310 ieffnloveyou

Not the same anymore ;(

Background: High school years slowly fading

free from all the drama, boys and what people say
Cereal mornings, cartoon watching
back to them good ol' days
reminiscing is all i do.
reality stepped in and "grown-ups" over ruled
problems started to come to play
profanity language were cruel
my teenage LIFE

My life be like........

Background: idk it was just on my mind =)

Where's the music I cry for pleading to crawl back in my ear,as i put my life on mute.

with cries in my head, it was hard to commute

I'm stuck in space gasping for air

my mind blends in and my thoughts screams w/ no care!

these sins help NO ONE, but struggle

lock up Lucifer and bring him back no more!

"FREE FALLING" off the twin towers and letting it go out the door

i drew my thoughts and they became images

my visions became reality

my dreams came to life

i felt weak-

i died inside but yet i still walk, is that possible?

Take me away as if i didn't exist

I am than just a thought

I linger around, but than forgotten in the mist

I am just a memory.

English III rm C-14

Background: The guy that sat next to me wouldn't SHUT UP! I swear so yeahh..you know the rest..

My heart Skipp's a beat

My mind sinks low

My head hangs down

my eyes complete darkness

Heat streams down my ears

My voice than becomes a megaphone.

And my language becomes profanity

my world is upside down

My peace locked up w/ no memory of the combination

My palms begin to sweat and my body temperatures on high

I than lost my sense of humanity. 

ROLLING W/ THE PUNCHES

Background: So there was an incident that happened at school today so these are just some of the feelings i felt at the moment.(it doesn't really make sense, they were just ideas i guess)

Sobbing blood, make-up smeared

WATCH HIM BURN!

Am i the only one that feels like this?
My peace slowly burns as I watch from afar

feeling belligerent my love & respect lost its existence

Are my cries heard!? Are my tears seen!?

Wash my pains away, let me be a reborn.

insisting on going on and on and on!

switch me out! move me around.

I can't stay anymore.get me outta this hell hole!

how loud do i need to be for you to hear me?!

what language do i need to speak for you to understand me?!

my foundation is officially shattered

my heart no longer beats for the sound of love, but rather hatred.

I no longer have the power, but i feel superior over blood

now...........................my tears shed blood*

sucha newbee ;)

okk soo i did NOT wanna blog at all twinn (ricee) told me to blog && i thot it was stupid (well at the time i did) but anywhoo i just came back from school && thought so much about it i ACTUALLY decided to do ONE! yay! =). i thought of it as a journal almost, but not really (well if that makes sense). I have no clue what you do on here soo yeahh im just gunna go with the flow and go wherever the wind takes me. my blog is stricly poetry && yeah. I would just like to thank my HEAVENLY FATHER for the many wonderful blessings and for everything he has done. I wouldn't be here without him. Though i may doubt what he has instore,but he ALWAYS pulls thru! I'm so very grateful or at least i try to be!

p.s i have SOO many people to thank too,but i'll get to those later

-xoxo